Pop the champagne because you’re getting MARRIED! But now comes the not-so-glamorous part: whittling down or finetuning that wedding guest list. You might be thinking, “Do I really need to invite my third cousin twice removed?” or “What about Jane from yoga class?” “Do I have to invite Anne to my wedding just because she invited me to hers , and since then, we’ve hardly seen each other?”
The Art of Building Your Dream Wedding Guest List
This could be the hardest element of planning your celebration as family and friends may challenge you about your choices. So, you must be positive and confident in your decision.
Fear not! We’re diving into the art (yes, it’s an art) of crafting the perfect guest list without ruffling too many feathers. Ready? Let’s get into it!
1. Start Big, Then Trim:
Begin by listing EVERYONE you can think of, from your BFFs to your favourite barista. Don’t worry about numbers yet. This is your dream wedding guest list. Once you’ve got it down, you can start the trimming process with clarity.
2. Priority Tiers for your Wedding Guest List:
Divide your list into three tiers based on relationships
- Tier 1: Immediate family and close friends. The non-negotiables.
- Tier 2: Extended family, friends, and colleagues you’re fairly close to.
- Tier 3: Acquaintances, colleagues, old school friends, etc.
When cuts need to happen, start from Tier 3 and work your way up.
3. Remember the ‘Plus One’ Politics:
The infamous “+1” can often be a source of contention and headaches. Here’s a tip: if you’ve met the partner or if they’ve been in a long-term relationship with your invitee, it’s courteous to extend an invitation. But for newer flings or unknown significant others, it’s okay to pass.
4. Children or No Children:
Deciding on a child-free wedding? That’s totally fine! But be consistent to avoid misunderstandings. Perhaps only allow children of immediate family or designate a special ‘children’s area’ with a babysitter to entertain them and keep them happy so you and the children’s parents can enjoy the ceremony.
5. Reconnect or Re-evaluate:
Think about when you last connected with potential invitees. If it’s been years since you’ve spoken to old school friends or certain distant relatives, it might be worth re-evaluating their spot on the list.
6. The ‘Reciprocal’ Invite:
Were you invited to their wedding? While you shouldn’t feel obliged, it’s a point to consider. But remember, times change, situations differ, and budgets vary. Invite them because you want to, not out of obligation.
7. Venue Constraints:
Your dream venue can often dictate numbers. If you’ve fallen in love with an intimate space, it’ll naturally mean a smaller wedding guest list. Use this as a guiding parameter when making decisions.
8. Consider Separate Events:
If the list is bulging at the seams and it’s causing sleepless nights, think about hosting separate events. Maybe have a smaller wedding ceremony and dinner, followed by a larger reception or party on another day. This way, no one feels left out of the celebrations.
9. Be Ready for Backlash (and Breathe):
Let’s be real. Not everyone will be thrilled if they don’t make the cut. And that’s okay. Stay calm, honest, and gentle in your explanations. Blaming budget or venue constraints is always a safe bet.
10. The Final Veto:
After all the discussions, wedding guest list revisions, and possibly a few disagreements with your partner, family or friends, remember this: it’s your day. You and your partner should have the final say. If there’s someone you’re not comfortable having there, listen to that feeling.
Bonus Tip – The ‘Year’ Rule:
If you’re really stuck, consider this: if you haven’t spoken to someone in over a year (and it’s not due to circumstances like living abroad), it might be an indicator. It’s a handy rule of thumb when you’re on the fence about certain guests.
So, as you sit down with that long list and the inevitable red pen, remember the essence of your day. It’s a celebration of love. While it might be fun to have a room bursting with people, what truly matters is sharing the day with those who mean the most.
Happy planning, and here’s to a guest list that feels just right!
Catherine Sophia Kentridge
Catherine Kentridge,
Interfaith Minister and Wedding Celebrant
